Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
