Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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