I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Your shirt... Was in my pants
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
