So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
