Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
