I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
