If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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