needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
