Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
