she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i love accidental penises.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
