Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
