just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
