How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
