Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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