I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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