i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
