Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
