we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
