New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
