I met the friendliest cop last night
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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