the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize