Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
