Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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