somebody snuck up and got me drunk
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
