This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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