did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
