Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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