you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
