Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
