I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
