I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If I die, sorry about rent.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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