A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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