I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
