so that wasnt chicken after all
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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