If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
