I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
