k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
