they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
