dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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