i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
