Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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