I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
