i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
