I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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