you're like a bully in the Christmas story
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
