Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
