You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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