Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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