Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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