You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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