I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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