I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
