Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
