so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Drunk is not a location!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
