she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Someone shattered a urinal.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
