We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
