erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
