Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize