my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
