is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
