she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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