Christians are straight up FREAKS
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
