i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
