Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
