ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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