You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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