I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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