I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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