At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
